What if I fall?

Life is funny. Not always funny as in haha but funny as in wait, what? It will make decisions for you if you don't make a move first, which almost always goes badly. God places people in your path and then leaves, all the while you're sitting there thinking "yay, friends!", who are ultimately just pages in your book meant to teach you an over all lesson. I think that's one of my hardest things in life, why do lessons need to be painful?

I watch it with my daughter, who at 4 goes through immense pain to learn small lessons like following a schedule or eating what's given to her at dinner, beg for hugs and cuddles to deal with it. I sit here at almost 30 and the pain is still there. I follow the path I think is right or best and end up curled up in bed crying watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix. But, oh and it's such a big but (pun slightly intended), I also watch other people in life who don't give a flying fart what they are doing get nothing but blessings. I realize that this may only be from the outside looking in but it still is confusing and only adds to the pain.

I want to have blind faith. I so desperately want to let go and know that my tears are futile and all will be well.

The flip side of this coin is that while this pain is going on, God often slips in someone or something that is your light in the darkness. That sneaky 'lil devil (hah! again with the puns today.). Maybe it's all that I tend to focus on the wrong thing, the pain or the lesson teacher, instead of that light. Or sometimes I mistake the lesson teacher for the light, those times are rough. Do you ever do that? Am I alone in this?